I’ve been thinking a lot about dating and how a relationship is so ooh-la-la hot those first few months we’re in them. You know what I mean, that can’t-live-without-you-another-second obsession and the please-stop-talking-and-kiss-me passion. Recent research says that some of those reactions are totally beyond our control. We call it chemistry. Like our heartbeat, simply existing without our input, there’s a release of hormones that create the “falling” in love sensation. Okay, maybe we are a bit out of control when we’re in the falling-in-love stage, but as the relationship continues to the being-in-love stage there are things we absolutely can control, e.g., paying attention to our mate. 

You see, as anyone in a relationship for any length of time knows, it’s easy to get stuck in the rut you said you’d never fall into. Every relationship guru on the planet, including me, encourages committed couples to continue dating. But, it’s easy to see why dating takes a back seat to the daily demands of life. It doesn’t happen by magic. Nobody throws open Door #1 to reveal a weeklong trip to the Bahamas or even a simple romantic dinner for two.  It takes planning and imagination. 

And, it takes money. True, a backyard picnic can provide more sidesplitting hilarity than a comedy show and a bubble bath for two can be sexier than a weekend away.  It’s all what you put into it. But, you can’t do stay-at-home dates all the time. You have to invest both time and money. Feel like there’s no room in the budget? I ask you …what’s more expensive: dating or divorce?

So, here’s what I want you to do. Let your imagination run wild and dream up some great dates. Don’t worry about what they cost. From the ideal, you can whittle away to what you can afford. Sit down with your sweetheart and put the dates on the calendar, one a month. Need a little help? You got it! Send me your ideas by email and I’ll help you plan a great date, tossing in a few ideas of my own.

Look, it’s simple. It you don’t make your relationship a priority, you’ll either lose it or drift apart. If you don’t date and work at keeping the spark alive, you run the risk of becoming really good friends who simply live together.  I love my friends but I don’t want my marriage to be comfort, complaints and coffee.  I want it to be all that and more—intimacy on every level.  That’s the bull’s eye.

Shela Dean is a Relationship Coach, Speaker and Amazon Bestselling Author of Frequent Foreplay Miles, Your Ticket to Total Intimacy. Over the course of her career, Shela has worked with more than 2,000 couples. Visit her coaching site, book site, and her newly launched Everyday Foreplay blog.